So this post is more of a personal update to make up for the overload of info in my past post!
I’ve been discharged! I was discharged last Wednesday (9th of September) after 317 days of being an inpatient (or 10 months and 13 days) – I am finally a free elf.
After 1 general hospital admission and three transfers I am finally back at school, back at home and I’m able to do so many more things that I wasn’t able/allowed to do before. I am no longer a dangerously low weight, I no longer rely on supplement drinks or NG feeds to survive and I am able to treat myself now and then. Yes I have gained weight but that’s okay, I needed to and I am not fat by any stretch of the imagination, contrary to anorexia’s certainty that I would be after I got to healthy. So if you’re in recovery and are scared that you’ll be overweight when you reach you target weight then I absolutely promise you that you won’t be. Fat isn’t any healthier than being underweight and nobody wants to make you fat I promise you. Ignore the bullying thoughts because that’s all they are – thoughts, not reality.
Recovery is worth it – promise!
Now in October, when I was admitted for the second time because of my weight being dangerously low I thought that I would never get to a healthy weight, I wouldn’t let them make me and I never could have imagined the events that would develop over the months to follow. I would never have dreamed that I’d have to have an NG tube, go to an official inpatient unit, self-harm or worse. But the thing is, I’m still here, a better person that I was last October, no longer consumed by numbers and bullying eating disorder thoughts and a hell of a lot stronger. Yes I’ve been through some absolute crap that I would never wish on anyone but I lived to tell the tale.
But I’m not forgetting all of the good times I’ve had along the way, it wasn’t all bad. I have met so, so many amazing people that I hope to stay in contact with forever, I’ve found my ambition to become a nurse because of all the wonderful, caring and incredible nurses I’ve met. I wouldn’t be where I am today without them so thank you so, so much to all of the nurses, HCA’s, therapists and other patients who have helped me get to where I am now. You are all incredible people and I honestly can’t put into words how much you mean to me and how grateful I am to have had you there to help me.
And thank you also to all you fabulous girlies (and a couple of boys) I’ve met that made my hospital admissions even enjoyable at times 😀 All of our beanbag races, sing alongs, horror movie fests, campfires, DMC’S and for all of the other AMAZING memories. I’m getting quite emotional thinking about it…I LOVE YOU ALL. ALOT.
Now just because I’m discharged doesn’t mean that everything is all fine and dandy – I mean I’m definitely miles better than I was and could ever have hoped I would be again but there are still going to be days where I struggle more than others, of course there are. I have my fingers and toes crossed that I never have to go to hospital again and if things ever start to get really tough again then I’ll be ready and this time I’ll know how to fight. Be afraid disorders, be very afraid.
SO VERY MUCH LOVE,
Anna xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo (etc..you catch the drift :D)