On the 24th July 2015 I was discharged from the Priory after 7 months and 1 week of being inpatient there. Let me tell you now it feels amazing, as much as I was sad to leave all the amazing friends that I’d made there and the staff support behind, I’d realised that there was no more that could be done for me there, although I was terrified I just had to go out there on my own and fight.
Now I’ve been out just over 2 weeks and I haven’t slipped up. I’m doing so well, I wasn’t expecting to either because last time when I got out from hospital I just relapsed straight away. I’m fighting for my life and my future because I don’t want anorexia. I don’t want to live through its suffering and its manipulative ways. I’ve lost over 2 years of my life to this illness and I’ve had ENOUGH. I am so much stronger than this and I just wish it hadn’t taken me so long to realise it but I guess the important thing is that I’m winning now and I won’t be afraid of my own mind any longer. I now do exercise for fun; I cycled over 10 miles with my boyfriend this week just so I could spend time with him! Oh yeah i have a boyfriend now!! See you get so much more attention in a good way when your healthy and you have da bootaayy!
I also don’t count calories and don’t really follow a meal plan, I eat what I want when I want and that works for me. Some days I eat less but some days I go to sleepover and I eat…2 muffins, crisps, chocolate and popcorn (last Friday ahaha) so I’m perfectly healthy and happy! No restricting going on there as you can see! I also have a job now, this was something I couldn’t do before because I didn’t have the ability to concentrate, I was just too wrapped up in my own world that I ended up being fired… But now I’m amazing at my job and I love it.
I no longer think about food 24/7, I can enjoy food and exercise and I’m loving life. Yes recovery is scary but you all just need to be brave. Being brave and fighting through this was the best decision I ever made. I remember when I was first admitted for the second time I said to one of the staff members “why am I even here? There’s no hope for me, I will never recover. I had my chance and I blew it you should just give the bed to somebody else. If I didn’t get better last time then what’s going to change this time?!” He replied saying “we will never give up on you. Do you really think we’d let you go out there and kill yourself!” I’m so glad that they didn’t give up on me because if they had I wouldn’t be here today. I went from hopeless, helpless and trapped to free of this horrible monster and happy!
I also got my periods back yesterday! Woop woop! 2 years without them and now they’re back! I’m healthy again and it’s incredible I want to give everybody hope that recovery is possible; on the other side of fear lies freedom! You can all do this you beaitiful people, you are all perfectly imperfect. If you’ve been through this before then don’t let the fear of relapsing stop you from recovering ok? You can all get through this if you want to, the power to recover is in your hands and I know you can all make the right choice! Love you all millions and stay strong,